i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
