We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
