It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
