she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
