yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
