Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
