I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
