She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
people are starting to question the shark bite story
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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