Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize