First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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