Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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