We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
