I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
