The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
