nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
