does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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