it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
