if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
