i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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