In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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