dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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