still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
