yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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