Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
