I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
