ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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