i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
