I faked an abortion last night.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
