i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
