McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize