plz talk dirty to me
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
we're so committed to being not committed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
