so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
