is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
