Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
