you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
