Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
