where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found puke in my bra..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize