I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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