There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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