I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
