She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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