So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
