Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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