9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
