In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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