Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
