well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize