Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
