I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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