I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
