I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
