I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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