I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
