did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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