I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
