I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
