So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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