I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
