In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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