i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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