I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
