I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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